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Lost Award Show Skit

#1 User is offline   IndyandMarion 

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Posted 24 March 2009 - 09:50 PM

OK, some of you might have seen the videos put together by the cast in the Echo Lake area attractions (Such as Budget Cuts). Well Im going to share with you one that was created, but never produced starring yours truly.

Few things to consider. This was thought of during a rather dark time personally at the ride. I was considered evil and having no heart. Secondly, it's pretty clear that I'm bound to the ride, so that's where the plot comes in. See if you can spot the nods to other movies in the script. Anyway here it is:

The Heart of chris Jones

INT - GMR GANGSTER SCENE
A Vehicle is pulling in for a typical show. 

TOUR GUIDE #1:
You talkin to me? You talkin to me? 

Gangster (CHRIS):
No, LAME BRAIN! I'm talkin to the dame in that awful lookin outfit over there... You actually wear that outside?

Back to TOUR GUIDE)
YEAH I'M TALKIN' TO YOU! Come here...  

TOUR GUIDE:
Um, I'm not supposed to leave my vehicle... 

Gangster (CHRIS Jones):
I SAID GET OVER HERE! 

TOUR GUIDE:
OK Mugsy, whatever you say... 

Gangster (CHRIS Jones):
Jeez.
Points to TOUR GUIDE)
These people are just too thick headed for their own good. Hey numbnuts, how'd you know my name anyway? 

TOUR GUIDE:
I've seen this movie before. 

Gangster (CHRIS Jones):
Whatever. Look, the heats on, see? And your fancy car is my ticket outta here, so beat it. 

TOUR GUIDE:
You're makin a big mistake here Mugsy...

Gangster (CHRIS Jones):
Sheesh, scram out of here, before I get ticked off and shoot ya. 

TOUR GUIDE:
TOUR GUIDE begins to tear up)
But I can't walk out in the mid-

Gangster (CHRIS Jones):
Oh cry me a river why don't ya. GET... OUT... OF... MY... SIGHT, CUP... CAKE. 

The TOUR GUIDE runs down the stairs as gunfire erupts.

Dissolve to black
Fade into break room

INT - Break Room. Low lighting

TOUR GUIDE #1 walks in crying/angry

TOUR GUIDE #2
Hey, what's wrong 

TOUR GUIDE #1:
I just had his show
 
TOUR GUIDES:
In unison)
Ahhhh 

TOUR GUIDE #1 sits down at the table, others sit next to her. BUCH is sitting at the table as well opposite of TOUR GUIDE #1, reading his paper. 

TOUR GUIDE #3
Leans in)
I hear that depending on what word he calls you on the show, it’s a code for where you are in the hierarchy in the ride... 

Snap Cut to

TOUR GUIDE #4
I hear if you touch his handprint, your fingertips burn off 

Snap Cut to

TOUR GUIDE #5
I heard if you go out on a date with him, you become mean spirited, and begin spreading miscellaneous rumors about him. AND, I hear he keeps a Water Gun in his locker...  

***** (as Tour Guide)
Rolls eyes, sighs. Points to TOUR GUIDE #3, #4 and #5 in order)
False, False, False and... wait
Correcting)
It’s a Nerf gun. Not a water gun.

Tour Guide #4
She would know. She’s married to him.

***** (as Tour Guide)
We’re not Married! We’re just dat-
Irritated. Turns back to TOUR GUIDE #1)
What happened on the show? 

TOUR GUIDE #1
He was just so rude. I can't believe management lets him get away with that. 

Buch
From behind the paper)
He wasn't all ways like that... 

TOUR GUIDE #1
Huh? 

Buch
Lowers the paper and looks at the TOUR GUIDEs)
See. Uh. Back in... Back in the day. Now, this was about the time Mercado was being torn down and the corn was just a little leaf about this tall...
From the doorway, a Drive-In Gift Bag is thrown at Buch. All TOUR GUIDEs turn to look at the door way, MAC is standing in the doorway, TOUR GUIDEs don't realize it's MAC due to low lighting in break room and bright lights from the hall way. MAC flips a light switch on, turns on all lights. 

Mac
Buch, don't you have a drive-in to plan? 

Buch
Uh, yeah. Yeah, it's gonna be on- 

Mac
Buch, save it.
Turns to TOUR GUIDEs)
You want to know the real story about him? 

TOUR GUIDES
In agreement)
Yes.
 
Mac
Rumor has it, that he once made a deal with the Movie Ride itself. It's said that he gave up his heart to be bound to the ride, forever. Apparently it's kept in some magnetic chest here at the ride, but no one has ever found it, if it exists...  

TOUR GUIDE #3
Wait, his what? 

TOUR GUIDE #4
His heart. You know, the thing Mac has had replaced five times... 

Mac
Mutters)
Four times...  

TOUR GUIDE #1
Well, I say we go find this chest and stab the infernal thing. Maybe that will change him. 

Mac
It's a fool’s errand. But good luck if you're really going after it. 

INT - Gangster Alley
The group of TOUR GUIDEs (1-5) enter Gangster stage area, looking for clues to the location of the chest. They hear someone on the balcony. 

TOUR GUIDE #4
Did you hear that? 

TOUR GUIDE #2
What? 

TOUR GUIDE #4
Someone is in here... 
From behind the banister, GANGSTER JONES pops up and looks at the TOUR GUIDEs, casually walking down the stairs 

Gangster (CHRIS JONES):
What do you want? 

TOUR GUIDE #1
N-Nothing. 

TOUR GUIDE #5
We're looking for a chest 
GANGSTER Jones's face turns sour and begins to reach for his gun. 

TOUR GUIDE #4
RUN! 
The group runs through the SA door with GANGSTER Jones jumping off the stage and quickly moving toward them. They slam the SA door on him. 

INT - Western
The group walks into the Bandit stage area. Unsure of what to expect, they quickly move toward the scene. The bank doors explode open and staggering out is BANDIT Jones. Someone Jack Sparrow-like, loose lipped. 

TOUR GUIDE #5
Wasn’t he just dressed as... 

Bandit Jones
Who are you? 

TOUR GUIDE #4
No one. We're no one. 

Bandit Jones
Well, for being no one, you sure seem like someone... 

Gangster Jones
Stop them! They're after the chest! 

BANDIT Jones looks down at the group then pulls his gun out to fire at them. They manage to run away under a barrage of bullets from GANGSTER and BANDIT Jones. BANDIT Jones steps onto the track and starts moving toward the SA Door, but GANGSTER Jones stops him. 

Gangster Jones
Stay out of there. I'll send it after them.  

Bandit Jones
No. Let them go. 

Gangster Jones
Let no joyous show be known. Let no TOUR GUIDE live without fear of me. On this day that I, who am bound to this ride, summon, the Inter-dimensional Beast! 

Bandit Jones
Do you get paid by the word? 

INT - Raiders
The TOUR GUIDEs look around the area for the chest. They all hear a strange noise coming from the Alien scene. 

TOUR GUIDE #3
I think we need to find this thing fast.
Pulls out bullets from their pocket)

TOUR GUIDE #5
What's that for? 

TOUR GUIDE #3
Mac said it's magnetized. The gunpowder in these should be attracted too it.
Tosses the bullets into the air. They fall to the ground)

Indy comes to life and jumps down from the set. It's a version of Jones dressed as INDIANA JONES. 

Indy Jones
Did you think that would work? Magnetics? That's about as crazy as- 

The ALIEN bursts into the scene 

Indy Jones
ALIENS! 

The whole group sees the BANDIT and GANGSTER version of Jones behind the ALIEN.  

INT - Dock
ALIEN chases the group to the DOCK. The TOUR GUIDES climb up on DOCK but GANGSTER, BANDIT, INDY and ALIEN do not follow. 

TOUR GUIDE #1
Huh? What's going on? 

TOUR GUIDE #2
C'mon, don’t you remember Training? 

The TOUR GUIDES shake their heads “No” and shrug. TOUR GUIDE #4 slowly raises their hand.

TOUR GUIDE #4
Um... Characters can't set foot on the dock? 

Bandit Jones
Well what's the big deal? They'll never find it at Casting Direc-

GANGSTER Jones smacks BANDIT Jones on the head)

TOUR GUIDEs look at each other, then to the Casting Door. As they begin to move, a boot is heard slamming onto the dock. They turn and see TOUR GUIDE Jones

TOUR GUIDE #5
Oh great! 

TOUR GUIDE #2
Wait, what's he doing in that? He's not a trainer anymore... 

TOUR GUIDE #1
Never mind that, we have to get the chest! 

TOUR GUIDEs and TOUR GUIDE Jones stare each other down, then race to the podium. They manage to get the chest and run back to the office. TOUR GUIDE Jones is standing in the middle of the office. They look shocked and don't know what to do. A COORDINATOR turns in the chair and hands him a slip. 

TOUR GUIDE Jones
What's this? 

Coordinator
It's a rotation. You're vehicle is next, so stop standing around and help on Dock! 

TOUR GUIDE Jones, confused, walks out to DOCK. The TOUR GUIDEs open the chest and are shocked to find that nothing is in the chest. 

TOUR GUIDE #1
What does this mean? 

Mac
What? Did you expect to find something? 

TOUR GUIDE #2
Geez. I guess he really is a heartless A-

End
Professionals admit to the problem. Alcoholics claim they have no problem.

Field Agent Indy reporting for the next World Showcase Mission
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#2 User is offline   darthstich 

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Posted 24 March 2009 - 11:13 PM

Lol Nice.

I caught Pirates and Indy IV references in there.
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